


Regency

by Pycocircus



Category: regency - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Other, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 17:40:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10858872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pycocircus/pseuds/Pycocircus
Summary: Mainly this is a bunch of drabbles about my original characters.





	Regency

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if it sucks a lot I haven't wrote anything in 3yrs so I'm kinda rusty, I hope it's not choppy 0~0 and that it's easy to understand. Dyrus is my big Ol' baby and ughgh I love him so much.

The pleasant summer sun cooks overhead on this steamy August day. The horses stir anxiously for the long melancholy ride to the city for this dreadful meeting. The inside of the coach is silent and all that is heard is the feet of the working horses outside. The view of the countryside is a rare treat filled with awe and a new passion of muse that fills me ever so slightly. It's good to hear the birds singing, the horses galloping and the sound of the warm summer wind whispering quietly outside my coach. This one time of the month is the one which allows me to escape my lone ile, the one I fill with my demons. As the day turns to night the faint glowing light of the city will fill my pupil and the sense of tranquility is filled with a new feeling.  
  
On this second Friday of August, many of those in the royal family of Caerhayes have its monthly meeting to discuss current events, trade, and taxes. On the morrow, the 2-day meeting shall commence and the family shall be together once again. As my carriage pulls down these old roads of stone we make the familiar turns and end up at my private apartment for the affair. I gaze once again at the fine interior of the coach before leaving the object I can acclaim my sanity too. Once on the porch, the coachmen pulls away to get the coach ready for the night. My hand softly embraces the golden knob for a moment until a sigh expels itself from my chest. The chamber is dimly lit from the lights outside. Shadows are cast onto the walls and the silence returns once again. I shall light the chamber in the morning. I drag myself up the creaky stairs to retire to my personal quarters which is filled with the same coldness of the other parts of the apartment. The cold air passes me by as the door is opened to reveal the empty somber bedroom. Outside of the window is the silent starless night. My left foot proceeds into the darkness as my coat is stripped off by my busy arms. My chests expels a warm breath into the darkness as my clothes litter the floor.  The bed beckons me with the promise of the warmth of the silk blankets, I answer with the meek crawl for comfort.  As the sea of red silk embraces me the thoughts come rushing back as the silence is once again filled with these bastardly demons.  The solution to my problems, all my problems is right there on my nightstand my hand reaches out into the cold air and lingers in the sensation of the chill night air. My finger grace the silver knob which beckons my name with lies so easily believed. I retract my hand from the cold and return it to promise of warmth under the thin layer of silk. Contemplation of the importance of my arrival overcome me.  
  
I must not fall into temptation  
  
The ride into the center of town was short-lived but provided just enough fear and anxiety to make me topple another wall onto the thick one I already had. As we pull up I am rushed into a room filled with all the dukes, dutches, monarchs, marquess and many others. My family is here already seated on the east wing of the room. Deep breaths in and out, and on goes the mask which consumes me for this time each month. I make my way through the sea of people across to those most familiar with me. "Oh Dyrus, my dear!" My mother called out as my lone figure approached. "Mother how I have missed you so" I called back as I walked into her embrace. From behind my siblings and uncle drew near with similar greetings. After the warm embrace, I turn with my tidings. My uncle chuckled and draped his arm over my already heavy shoulders. "Still on the market huh?" He teased. A loud laugh escaped my throat as my mind rushes in an attempt to process a reply. Before I could expel a light-hearted reply he spoke again tightening the grip on my shoulder. "Don't worry me and your brother will find you a fine woman before you reach your prime. Did you know you brothers son just turned 4? I can't believe it's been years. Time sure does pass fast. I don't know how you do it Dyrus? Staying all alone in that house with no servants or anything. How long have you been out of your parents? 8yrs? Yeah that's correct you really need a partner and I got you covered." He rambled on as always. H never knows how to hold his tongue about sensitive subjects. My chest cavity feels like the sweep grip of death has taken hold and crushes the dry heart which takes home there. Another voice caught my attention as I begged it to take the conversation in another direction. and to spare my life."Your Uncle is correct you've been alone for too long you'll go mad if you keep it up. I'm always telling you sweetheart you can always come visit me."  The hope was shattered at that comment as the conversation dragged more about my private affairs. "I'm perfectly sane dearest mother I insist as for a partner I've just been very busy lately to look but you're very welcome to help look". I regretted speaking those words a million times over. They were like a vine at my ankle one that will never lose its grip and never forget until it consumes me whole. With my uncles arm tightly around my broad shoulders and his tight grip of death never seeming to let go and the conversation leering on past anything I was comfortable with I begged for an escape and by pure luck I had it. "RINNNNNG! MEETING STARTING" "RINNNNNG! MEETING STARTING" "RINNNNNG! MEETING STARTING" I was released from the grip of my uncle and the situation quickly defused. I quickly wiped the sweat away followed the heard of people to the giant hall.  
  
  
   
The meeting started and we all took our seats and sat through the long hot evening. The meeting was filled with each count and March turning in their taxes and receiving their cuts of the lot. After that long process, we continued to talk about current events and news in the country, none of which entertained me in the slightest. In the later hours we each presented our reports then we had a recession which ended up with my meeting my father. He talked about many things but mostly about my siblings and their children. We go over this every moment I see any of them gets bothersome after awhile. It is all the same "Look at how great your younger siblings are with their families and look at you without a wife" is basically the sum of every conversation. Back at the meeting, we finished with a three-hour discussion about the navy and army. The meeting had no real importance to me besides inducing stress and anxiety.  
  
   
  
After the meeting, I retired to my coach and was rode away back to my apartment in the dim lit streets. I did arrive earlier than expected which either could be a curse or a blessing. I entered the could building and decided to light some of the rooms for the night. I opened the old wooden door to the kitchen and brought the flame in my hand near the dusty candles on the walls. Once the room was painted with the dim glow of candles I brought my self to scavenge the pantry. Starving myself to death or just bringing about indirect self-harm will not help this dreaded weekend end faster with the return to my beloved dreaded manor. While I was away during the meeting I had the coachman stock my kitchen for the night. I pulled out the fresh supplied and lit the stove. Many in my family would find the fact that I do most if not all my cooking, cleaning, and self-care by myself. They think everything is about being served to them on a gold platter. Unlike them, I don't value having paid slaves and I really don't prefer the company. After the long so cook of my late night pot roast, I prepare a table for one.  The smell of perfectly cooked meat and vegetables weaken me, I haven't eaten anything since before I came here yesterday morning.  After I savored the fruits of my labor I scrubbed the kitchen back to its perfectly empty disturbing state. With the candles of the house dim all but the once caressed by my tender hand. Once again I proceed by up the old creaky stair guided by a single light.

 

Once back to my chamber door I face the darkness and open the cold handle of the door. Once in the silent, still room I go towards the nightstand and place the candle on top the soft wood. My stomach churns at the drawer and the easy temptation to open to view its contents overrides any self-control I have over my mind. My pale claws extend to hook onto the golden handle. Won't it hurt to count them?  As I slowly pull the drawer out of the wooden centerpiece an exhale leaves my chest. Once fully open I glance into the practically empty drawer. Glancing down to view thirty small orange capsules, seconal sodium.  The slight ting of pain rushed to my left hand as the almost instinctual clenching of my hand left little cuts into the tender flesh of my cold pale hands. It's only thirty pills, that won't get me through a day. Another sigh escaped my body as I paced over to alcohol cabinet on the other side of the room.  Opening the glass door and panning for the best on the shelf, I keep my favorites at the house and this is just a backup collection. My eye scans until my pupil stops upon the vodka collection in the corner. My hand outreaches and glides over the glass until it stops at the 160 proof.  My fingers gently embrace the bottle as I grab it and place it on the bar nearby.  I go behind the counter and snag a highball.  The thud of the glass on the counter rings in my ears. Pleasent, tonight is going to be a long night. I crack open the bottle and cup the glass as the felt water pours into the highball. The glass is filled almost to the brim as I admire the fine look the room and bar. The only lighting in the room is the single flame one the nightstand above the open draw.  My claw reaches up to stoke my icy face, I look down to glace at the glass in front of me and the nightstand across the room. One single tear escapes my looming dark eye but is quickly wiped away by the claw on my face. I already know what will happen if I go through with this, I won't die sadly. I never die.

I will just get very sick, but when am I not sick. I have that meeting tomorrow. My mind changes subject from the meeting to my family due to the common thread. Despite everything, I wish I could just escape them. I don't even see them but two days out of the month but it's still enough for me.  I personally wish everyone would leave me alone to my house to do with myself as I would.  The only thing I am to them is heir to their foolish title, I wasn't asked to be the eldest son, was I? No. I may be hypercritical but I wouldn't trade my wealth away because it feeds my addiction to sedatives and alcohol. Sometimes I question how many meetings it would take for me not to show up before they realize I've been a corpse this whole time. I may be a monster but I feel like the ones who haunt our dreams, the savages who only go by instinct and feel nothing. I feel like an empty husk only looking for self-pity and my next fix of pills. Anyone would be surprised at how much I pay for those little orange capsules, for a lot of 100 it's 10,000 dollars. That only last me about three days. The problem with the pills is that they are from before the war and are very scares so that means a very high price. When I go under the influence I make horrible decisions mostly self-ones. Awhile ago before I grew as much of an immunity as now I remember I ended up getting a branding on my chest, myself. Every time I look at it I can feel the pain of that night, I can hear the scream that escaped from my teeth. I remember the horrible sense of dread I flet. I still don't know if I regret doing it.  I'm always contemplating the value of one life, my life. I'm a complete degenerate. I think way too much and am pitiful. I bring myself back from my thoughts and walk over to the nightstand and reach and cup the thirty capsules and go back to my drink. My hand gently shakes as I hover my hand over my neck and drop the lot into my mouth, I quickly drowned them down with half the highball and sigh after catching my breath. I grab the highball to finish it off.  Once finished I walk my way over to the silk bed and remove my clothes. The gentle silk beckons me with lies of warmth which I fall for. I collapse into the bed and reach over to extinguish the single flame. Now all there is me the darkness and my horrible thoughts. I'm not going to the meeting tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> Seconal Sodium is a highly addictive sedative and is given in 100mg pills, 15 is the over does for a human, Dyrus is a little different but 30 is still really dangerous. 160 proof is 80 ABV.


End file.
